Was awhile since the last post. Not much happening really. Though things will probably remain in silence for awhile after this day. Well its cause I'm going away tomorrow to see my grandparents and relatives on my mothers side. They only live 10 hours away with train. And that just what I'm going to ride. Train all the way from Jönköping to Ånge that is in the middle of the country. Though I tell you even if i say in the middle of the country it doesn't mean there are many cities or such. Just that it is half across the country. Will be going with my sister so she is coming tomorrow. Though i need to clean up my place a little. ^^
Though its not just my place that needs cleaning up here, its the kitchen also cause it looks horrible. As good as it is its not my time to clean the kitchen. ^^ Actually the place looks almost like we have had a rave party and everyone is like if they were wasted. And i tell you all we didn't do anything special yesterday. Besides there was poker tournament downstairs and a goodbye dinner for the exchange students at some other place. ^^
How this happened don't ask me cause i have no idea. ^^
Beside that i guess i have finally started to understand my roller-coaster ride as some call it. It basically is about something that people here sometimes call damp though its not really the same thing and is a misunderstanding. Though as many of the people i have grown up with i sometimes go berserk when people are irritating, annoying or being cruel against me. It all is about really about built up anger that have is filling up eachtime i feel hurt or sad. I dont know how many times i have gone berserk due to it in elementary school. Though things changed in 9th grade. That change was the martial arts. During the years i had trained it i never really got angry at anyone really. Never touched someone beside when Robert asked me to punch him in school to see how hard i can punch. Well i can say it worked for 3 years really and everyone saw me at the dojo as a really nice guy. Same was it in upper secondary school. Someone who never got really angry at anything nor even killed a fly. A plain nice guy i guess. But then a day came when my world was really turned upside down. And it was cause of my fathers death. I started to train less and do nothing more often. I closed myself again and i wasnt as outgoing as i used to be but still i have always been shy. And as many other people recently have noticed i have been going really up and down at times. I guess its all from the lack of putting anger and annoyence on something. I guess i need some martial arts training again. Though i wonder if i should go back to Karate or if i should start with something new. Though i cant start anything until i have moved i guess. Anyone who can recomend anything? :P
Sunday and today i have been a good boy. I have cleaned my room. Much cleaner now. ^^
Havent cleaned in awhile actually. I wont say how long ago it was cause then i probably get whipped by someone. Who i dont know but most probably by someone of the opposite gender. Pictures of my cleaned room will be further down.
Though about the other gender in general. Dunno what it is lately but people whom i socialize with seem to want me to hook up with other girls. Have happened twice already on 2 days. Yesterday my housemates started talking about it at the dinner table and the mentioned four people where two names doesnt sound good at all and one i have heard of but never meet even though she lives next door and the fourth one is a lesbian. The names of the two girls or should i say nicknames really is Gorilla and Chimpanse. And i say it doesnt bode well if you ask me. The girl next door i know who she is and what her name is though its told she hardly speaks. Guess its some shy girl. And as i said before the fourth girl is a lesbian. I mean come on? I dont really wanna be together with a lesbian and secondly even though i'm single i'm not really looking either at the moment. Want things to calm down before i even try with someone else. And now the second time was today. Talked with a friend of mine and we got into the talk about me being shy and all. Though she doesnt really believe it cause i was able to talk with a friend of hers without any real problem. Well i just said she was one who easily opened up to talk. Then she told me she actually was a very shy girl. Though from what i noticed she didnt really seemed like that kind. And then she said it. My friend said we might have actually clicked. And then she started to make plans. Well we'll see if that friend of mine really will do as she said. Though if she will try to make us together or something i have no idea what to do. What is it with people and trying to hook me up with other people? They try to ensure i get laid or how you say it? Though worse is probably when i meet my grandparents(mothers side) next time they'll probably ask me to see some girl they know up there. Cause last time they were asking when i would bring up their great grandkids. I mean hello i'm only newly turned 20 the youngest family i know of had their kid at the age of 23. And not to be critisising against him but for me that feels alittle too young. But thats just me i guess.
Well have a great night and enjoy pictures of my room. ^^
So now its like 3 months since i lost my thumb. It have healed quite well actually. Will show you how it looks now. I'm sorry to have kept it all secret for you all before. Dunno why i really did but i felt like i needed to do this on my own. I know this will come as a shock to many of you. But i'm still the same old Kenny you all have known. I'm just one thumb less. The rehab training have been quite easy though cause it was my left thumb so it wasnt as much hard work as if it was my right one. The rehab people was really nice. The nurse who had me was newly graduated from my school and was just a few years older. I tell you she was quite good looking. Its too bad she was taken but we'll see with my luck. Though i'll see her again tomorrow. ^^
Btw a pic of my lefty hand and my confession.
Fake BTW and a big fat lie. I know its not 1st april but i wanna put it up now. :P
Friday today and me very very tired. Think i will go to bed after posting this. Quite early for me actually. Though i have been most of the time in school today and then when i got home i had to make dinner. And now i'm really exhausted and sleepy. Wish there were more energy in me. And it was a pretty sadening day today. Havent been able talk long with anyone really today. Espcially some people. Even though i have had two friends around me today i felt a little lonesome. Maybe its cause of lack of socializing or something else. Darn i'm too dependent on other people maybe. Feels like sometimes i cant do anything until i have had a daily dose of something. Pretty annoying really.
And now i got brain dead. Guess the bed is calling. Good night!
Didedeluuu. Another post. I have nothing really on my mind to blog about really. Just felt to make a post. Though for you who have been thinking the whole thing about men are like purses and girls are like diamonds. I'm sorry people you are really stereotypical. Saying all that stuff doesnt mean that everyone is like that. If it were so then my my the world is lacking of unique people. And i can assure you all that i have meet quite a few unique people both bad and good ones that doesnt really fit into that bullshit. Sorry for my choice of words. And yea i know i had my finger into a little though it was mostly as a joke. Dunno really why i write about it but i guess its cause i'm tired. Well beside of that i dunno what happened to me like a few mins ago but i got like a sudden flashback of the day when i was about to leave to go to malaysia. I wonder what happened. It wasnt like i fell down on the floor or anything but it went through my head like really fast. Every conversation and everything i saw. Hmm maybe my brain wants to sleep or something.
Though the other morning i had a strange dream that was first half very dream like and second half was much more real. I remember that i somehow was in a some old egyptian style catacomb. And i entered a big room and as i got into the room i saw there was like a whole in it and qwhen i looked down into it i saw some sort of grave for several people. But not like a mass grave but instead like it was went for several people. The i was surounded by several others. Dunno who they were but they knew me. Some people went down to the graves to check out the graves. Suddenly something happened. The people who had gone done started to sink down into the ground and arms were dragging them down. All of the sudden the catacomb was filled with dead people that was trying to attack me and the others. One got to me, but i recognised the face. It was someone i knew. I started to talk to the person and it reacted and started talking back and it seems i somehow got it to ehlp me out and show it that it could live a free life. All of the sudden everything went dark. And then i saw that light were everywhere and it was comming from all kinds of directions. I looked around and i noticed that the person was with me but looked much more like a person than a dead corpse. But also i noticed that i was on Dreamhack somehow. Also i knew exactly where my seats were so i took the person to the place. On the way i talk with a old friend of mine namned Markus Kothe. His girlfriend was with him and suddenly the person grabbed Kothe's girlfriend like it was gonna attack her. I told her to stop and it wasnt something that person should do. The girl just laughed over it and so did the rest of us. We then splited ways and me and the person went to my seat. As i sat down i noticed that it was in the B building on dreamhack. Pretty weird though cause i have never sat there and havent really had plans to sit there either. The person was somehow very fond of me and was very clingy on me and i didnt really minded. Shortly after that i woke up. Weird dreams huh? Well now things stopped in my head to write about well i guess i should head to bed then.
Goodnight everyone and have great dreams or great days. ;) I sure will try to have good dreams.
Was awhile since my last post. Or actually a real post. The last one was really a random post from a random burst of emotions i guess. Mysterious stuff really. I hardly know why it happen sometimes. Either way this weekend i was away to my grandmother to be on Cecilia's birthday party. Actually she turned 18 so she really wanted me and my sis to be there and i couldnt really let her down. Went down to Helsingborg with the buss this time. 3hours and 30 mins of sitting on a boring buss. Though for 2h and 20 mins i sat and talked with my sis nonstop really. She came onto the buss later due to we live in diffrent towns. Dont think the passangers really liked that we talked the whole way down. Though they didnt say anything. Other that day much didnt really happen more than i wasnt able to talk with Viv before i went. Well well it happens. Though the next day (Saturday) i woke up early but then i slept very late the night before around 3 or 4 really. Some stuff going through my head and not really feeling tired. Well shit happens as they say. Though during the morning i cleaned and was online a little before the party. Was a nice party though i was mostly playing around with the kids as usual. Hmm even on my birthdays i was playing mostly around with my small cousins. Night passed by in a swift and the day after we had to travel back me and my sis. Though we visited my aunt and my small cosuins for a few hours before going. Alma was playing around with my hair and such. Though after being there for a bit we went back to grandma and ate a little before going with the buss back. Just before we ate i got something confirmed my father had kidney stones twice. So i guess i should be put on the list of a risk factor. 25% not good.
Going back wasnt really that pleasant. First of i got a headache when we went on. Later i got a stomach ache also. So i took up my laptop and watched 'The IT Crowd' just to make me think of other stuff. Hilarious episode though during it i got an acute need to pee and it was like in an instant i had been filled. As good as we have it here in Sweden the busses have a toilet on them. Went in and what did i notice? No light. Hmm fun. Well with a few tricks i managed to use the toilet with the light that should had worked. Went back and then watched. After arriving back in Jönköping and went to the next local buss i needed to take to get back at my apartment i noticed that it had just gone and the next one wouldnt come until in 45 mins. Still stomach and head was aching so i got pretty pissed really. After some thoughts for like half a second i came to the conclusion that i could just walk home. Its just 6-7km on foot in -3C and so i did. And for those who wondred why i did it. Well i can tell you that it takles me about 30 mins to walk that distance so i would be home before the next buss came. Clock was about 9 when i was back home. After some chit chatting with the others i went into my room and sat down at the computer to check mail and such. Took a pill just so iw ould get rid of that headache. 15 mins later Viv got on. Finally someone to cheer me up from this bad evening. And so she did. Though it was surprising that she even was online that late. Well well no matter, something good came out of my day atleast so i didnt go asleep grumpy.
Gonna stop here i guess. Not anything intressting more than i updated W kayz link to his new blogg. Noticed today he had signed up as follower of my blogg. Thank you Wei. How i'm gonna follow yours i dunno though.
Just felt like doing a random post one of my favorite song
Goldfinger - I Want
Lyrics can be found under the vid
Don't want to spend my time, wishing you were here
Don't want to spend my time alone
Don't want to waste my life, dwelling on the past
Don't want to lock myself at home
'Cause I want, I need, nothing less than you
I want nothing else at all
Don't want to make excuses
Explaining it away
Just want to spend my time with you
Don't want to walk on ice
Don't want to live on edge
'Cause on the edge
I'm looking down
I want more, I want more
Don't want to spend my time
Wishing you were here
Don't want to spend my time alone
Time flies by sometimes but not as often as i want to. Sorry Amelia for the late update but the time flew away cause i was tired yesterday. Tonight though i will be up long. Need to reinstall my computer. This time i will try Windows Vista x64. Hopefully it will be more stable than the normal version. But before i can install the new version i have to download it and thats why im writing now cause i have loads of time.
Dreamhack ended yesterday and i'm sorry to say it wasnt as good as it used to be. My friends thought it was great but i cant say the same. During the event i got myself a new hard drive though. So now i have loads of space on my computer for once. Though the only problem is that my computer is crapping me. :/
During the event something weird started to stir inside of me though. Started to feel angry over something but i dont know what it was. When i lost in a game or something just didnt go my way i got angry. Havent had such anger issues before. I even got irritated at people for nothing at all. Still only one person calmed me down. Dunno how that person did it, but it worked. Something is really wrong with me lately. And that person seems to be the only one making me relaxed and calm. Maybe it is as someone said. Maybe it is cause i want some kind of closure as a friend of mine said. But then again i have moved on without closure before why not now? The mind is truely a force to recon with. It can really mess you up good and you cant do anything to stop it. But aslo lately i have not only felt angry i have felt alone also. Even while i was on dreamhack. I had like 10'000 people that was like me and i could talk with anyone about anything. But still i felt that i was alone. It was freaking horrible. Anyone knows what is happening to me though? Any cure someone can give me?
Have more on my mind but dont really feel like writing it all at the moment. Just plainly tired and feel angry at my computer for crapping. Wish things were easier.
Though of doing a little blogging now when i'm sitting down and waiting for my laptop to be upgraded to the latest version of Fedora. Well i guess thats all i'm gonna say about computers otherwise it'll be pretty boring. Though before i updated the computer though i saw Clannad the movie. And yea i know its a Anime and it doesnt follow the series fully. But heck i dont care i like the movie better either way! Dunno why i really like that movie. It gives me the chills at specific times. Its both a very happy movie and sad. And yea no action. So lovely without all that action scenes where people get killed but still stand and talk. Freaking annoying. Maybe have grown some love on non action movies. Or just that i grown tired of the action ones. Either way as i said before it gives me the chills and there aint many things that gives me the chills in this world. And i tell you two things i confess of getting the chills from is specific operas and Clannad the movie. Both things are exellent in their own ways. And i say when i say opera songs i mean songs like Fredrik Kempe's Vincero, Paul Potts and Luciano Pavarotti. Awfully good singers. Though they all have sang Nessun Droma and they all have their own versions. Badly enough only Paul Potts is active. Cause Pavarotti is dead since last year and Fredrik is now days performing at rare cases from what i have gotten information about. Well hopefully i'll get the chance to hear Paul potts one day. A must to see him when i go to UK. ;)
Enough of opera might be considered gay soon. Wouldnt be too good. Well atleast i know of my sexuality.
Dreamhack is just around the corner or actually just 1 day and 6 hours away. Though me and my friends as we usually do go in a little later so we dont need to be in any lines. This year we'll be six people going. New record! Though we have been 5 before. And this time its gonna be my 5th time there geeking around like a fool. Hopefully i'll survive it without scratches from "people". Last time i got lots of hugs of random people. Why? I have no idea. Not really famous or anything. But also last time was horrible due to two reasons we only were 3 people going and someone very dear to me was undergoing a major surgery. So i was really restless the whole time and worrying my butt of more than 50% of the time. Though happily everything went fine and i accidently sent an sms to the parent and spoiled a few things that she shouldnt had heard for that time. Well that was last year. I wonder what will happen this year. One thing for sure that have to be done is that i have to buy a new mouse. My current one is really annoying me at the moment cause it goes on and off the whole time. My beloved MX510! *sob, sob* and i dont wanna upgrade to a MX518. I love my MX510. I have had it since my first dreamhack. And my god i just noticed its over 5 years old. That makes it even more sad. :'( Well one day it will die though till then keep on living my MX510.
Enough of my sad moment now. Time for some cheering up i guess.
Fun for the whole family
Well its getting late now and i need my beauty sleep. And everyone who have seen my face knows that i need beauty sleep. :P
Another nightpost. Well this time its not about me being grumpy something like that. Instead something is wrong a little lower down on me and as you may have guessed its my kidneys that is shitting me. Or actually i believe i might have kidney stones. And i tell you if there is anything i'm afraid of, then its kidney stones. At the moment i'm laying down in my bed with my laptop on my stomach. And i tell you its the only way at the moment i'm not in pain. As soon as i raise a little something just above my urinery bladder goes haywire. Started around 10 somehow and its keeping me awake cause i'm afraid of having a kidney stone attack. For those who wonder what so special about it then i tell you it can be compared with child labor and its known to be the most painful experience a man can have physically. The dumb thing is that there is a risk that i got it from my father where there is a 25% i could have inheritaded it from him cause i remember him telling me he got one many years ago. So now i hope its not really hitiing me. I wonder what i'll do tomorrow if this continues though. Have to call my mother to confirm that it happened so i know if there is any risk of it. Already have had some problems like a slight nausea and felt like throwing up though its mostly air. Its weird though, i have had similar problems like this before but always thought of it as normal. But now i suddenly am paranoid about something that i have experienced a few times already. But then not fully like this. And i cant really go to the hospital either cause then it will probably be gone before they can check it. What should i do? :/
Dunno whats really with myself sometimes. Lately or actually for quite some time i have had the urge to always have people around me and make notice of me without having myself to show myself off. If i dont get that social attention i somehow get deppressed somehow. Not sure where i got it from but i guess on being an outcast for many years have made its mark on me. Even now i feel still feel like an outcast. Though mostly now its cause i woke up at 12pm and noticed my housemates was gone. I guess they went to some party not sure though. Either way due to that i felt really depressed and left out even though it was really my fault for falling asleep early. Dumbshit me! So just to cheer me up in some way i went online on MSN and looked if someone wanted to talk with me. But nope no one was up to it. Felt angry cause no one wanted to talk with me. Why am i so dependet on people?! :(
Next try is a shameful one really and i do confess. I went on 4chan.org . For those who doesnt know what 4chan is then i'll tell you its a picture forum where you can upload any kind of photo and that includes even pornographic pictures. And i warn you dont visit the random area or that people call /b/ cause already (havent been on that site for a long time) i have seen pictures that are illegal anywhere in the world. Either way i went there to check if there was anything to make me feel a little better but there was none. Was even on /s/ and it only made me wonder why there is so many of pictures of girls naked online. And i mean just go to /s/ and you will maybe find even the girl next door or something (not that it has happened). Either way it didnt really help.
Though i guess its that i have people to talk with during the day i can keep myself sane each day. I thank you all for it. And those who have helped me through the last months i'm extra grateful towards. Dont think i wouldnt be standing without the help i got. As much as the last months have strengthen me it have also opened me for something else and i hope it will be good cause i really dont wanna bring people down in the future due to my miserableness.
Good night. I hope it was readable. ;)
Hmm something is wrong with my Graphics card i shouldnt have more than 512MB. :S
Now it was quite awhile since I made a real post. Though lately much hasn't happened due to i have been waiting for a teacher to read two reports that I have written. Well he read them and then gave me the points I have been asking for awhile. Though this all have been troubling for me cause I haven't been able to sleep due to being afraid that he'll never do it. Well now he did and now I'm really tired somehow. But enough of that.
Came across something special today after being on Youtube. I found a video of Jonny Jakobsen. Though i guess most of you people don't know who that is though his artist name was long ago Dr. Bombay, Dr. McDoo and Carlito. Some might recognise the names but either way. Checked a few good old music videos of him when I suddenly noticed something. Every music video was recorded in Malaysia. And I tell you the video doesn't say it directly but you can see it on a few details in the videos. Fun thing is that he's Swedish and I have met him so I know. So why do them all in Malaysia? Will show the videos at the end of the post and we'll see if you can find the details that sign that its in Malaysia. :P
Somehow that gives me ideas. Lately my world have been circulating around Malaysia a lot and the more times goes things drags me there more and more. A friend of mine actually said that I have my fate there or something. Though either way I'm going to UK first then we'll see where I happen to be located after that. What do you all think? Am I destined to go there again or something? Is there something that will drag me there? And what is that then? Maybe due to the financial crisis i will go there later cause the chance of getting job there will probably be higher than it will be here. Though again the chance of getting a job there is already easier. Sweden is going up to soon 10% of unemployment. A real crisis i must say. And due to that a student here cant really get a job cause there ain't any jobs or there is 10'000 other people applying for the same job. Or atleast not in this town where most companies rely on the bigger companies like Volvo, Saab, Ericsson, Nokia, Opel and many others that is at the moment throwing people out so they can earn more. And that really leads to that the smaller companies have to throw out people also cause the companies wants the smaller companies to sell their products and services for less. Well in the end the bigger ones will most probably kill themself. Then new ones can emerge. And how it looks now the asians will take over the former western empire. Or actually they are already most of the semiconductor companies and hitech companies are Asian based. :P
And here comes the vids. ;)
* Your parents’ driveway with the car still running.
* The bushes outside your ex-girlfriend’s apartment using a boom box as a pillow.
* Spooning some random dude.
* In a bath tub covered in blood.
* The Emergency Room with: A) a stab wound, B) significantly less teeth, C) your arms handcuffed to the bed, and/or D) your mom hysterically crying across the room.
* The back seat of a stranger’s car.
* In a strip club getting asked if that last lap dance should go on your credit card like the others.
* On a downtown park bench in a city you’re unfamiliar with.
* Next to your buddy wailing on a chick who may or may not be a professional.
* Surrounded by your friends trying to figure out how you’re too stupid to find a bathroom.
* The back bedroom of a trailer, for the second time.
* Your parents’ kitchen floor.
* Next to a minor telling you it’s “our little secret”.
* The front lawn of the local synagogue.
* Cleveland.
* Next to any chick your friends have nicknamed slam pig, war pig, big bear, polar bear, hedgehog, freight elevator, or anything else that references her size and/or resemblance to a wild animal.
* The drunk tank with someone dropping a deuce in the community toilet.
* The couch with no pants on and the dryer running.
* The neighbors’ front porch when you don’t know the neighbors.
* On the floor of your old apartment with the new residents dialing 911.
What a great start of the week.Morning started off with me waking up at 5. Yea thats right 05:00 in the morning. And the thing is i fell asleep about 2 o'clock. Darn damnation bad of me. Went down to mothers kitchen and ate breakfast and then packed the last stuff before going. Though my little sister (Not you amelia) was late and had to come with me and my mother. We got like 10 mins late. And i'm such a person as i have to be at a place like 10 mins before hand to feel that things are going right otherwise i get nervous about missing the train. Then me mom drove us away. And as lucky as i was when i got to the station the train just came. But there was one problem. It was on the wrong side of the tracks. Owh noo the first thought i had i'm gonna miss it. The problem is with it being on the other side of the rail is that i have to run 200meter extra. And i tell you i dont recomend that you run with luggage and havent had enough sleep. Though i was lucky they noticed i was running from the otherside so the train waited for me. I got on and now the worst parts starts. I felt really sick. The rest oif the trip back up to Jönköping i felt like puking the whole time.
Got to Jönköping and when i got off the train i sort of felt better. Went down to school and met up with Johan and Jakob. I can tell Johan was really in a good mood today he was laughing at anything and he was acting like a i child most of the day. Though so did me an jakob to certain extent. ;)
Though due to to my lack of sleep i felt quite bad the whole day. But then again i was mostly reading. Though when it was time for lunch i had to go get it for myself. Walked out and it was raining a little. Well atleast for that moment. As soon as i had walked through the school of learning and communication it started to rain even more and as i was at the pharmacy it went over and became a rainstorm. And as i ordered my meal it started to hail And the storm blew the water from the street right into the shops corner so the whole kitchen got wet. Though i was lucky and just got my food. Though when i got it i ran as fast as i could back to school so it wouldnt get worse. And i tell you i almost flew on the way back due to strong winds. :S
As i walked into the school i heard a girl saying Oh my god how wet he is. Then i noticed the whole of me was really drenched. Well not much i could do about it at that perticular moment more than walk back to Jacob and Johan. And after i left the food i went and dried my hair on the toilet.
Around 3 i went back home to my old apartment. And i napped. Owh how good that felt. Heaven on earth really. After a short nap of like 2 hours or so i went back and sat down with the computer and tried to install Crysis on it. Though that didnt succed so well. Something wrong with the computer so i couldnt install it. But then i installed it on my laptop instead and it worked without problem. Just that i then have to trnsfer over 6GB of data twice. :/
Well i guess thats were my bad luck ends. Though after some chatting with the house mates i hear about that Paul had invited a girl over tomorrow on a movie night and Hamza was like crazy about it cause he wanted it to be romantic and everything. Though it was hilarious. The two of them going crazy over just one girl comming over. My god they are like children in a candy store sometimes. Though we will see how a polish guy and a german girl works out. ;)
And thank you all who have been talking with me today you all have helped me with not thinking about wanting to puke. ^^
Ands as a end to this i show you all this weird music vid i found. Though i wonder why Peter Stormare is in it though. :/
Second post today and a late one as usuall. ;)
Finally i finished cleaning up one of the continents. And as you can see its called Nasdir. And this continent is where things will start off at. Though right now there is three continents but only this one is finished for cleaning. Will probably finish the others later. Though i will show off a little how things looked like before i photoshoped the map. ^^
Its sunday and i'm watching Singing Bee on TV3. Not often i watch tv i tell you. Was away and visted my grandmother yesterday actually. Well i went cause its a little tradition to have the birthday party with the relatives or atleast on my fathers side. This time was a little diffrent. My biological grandfather was there. It was like 2 years since i last saw him. And it was when we put my father to the sea outside of Helsingborg. When i saw him i so saw my fathers face in his stead. Directly i got like a stone in my throat. Horrible but played on looking "cool". Alot of mischef with my small cousins and a few hours alter we went back. The day wasnt that great really. Though i guess the day wasnt so good due to two reasons. First of i was quite worried about a person. I knew i shouldnt have been as worried as i was. All cause i didnt fully know what was going on the other side of the world. Feels like i'm getting dependent on always knowing what's going in other peoples life. But today i atleast heard why things ended up as it did. And i can say i really felt relief. Worst thing was that i dreamt about that same person and it was almost like a nightmare. I guess most people would had seen it as a nightmare but i can say i didnt really got scared by it. Maybe it was a sign that i care about the person more than i realise.
Second reason is cause i saw a few pictures of Ashikin in 3 diffrent dresses. I have no idea but when i saw her in those dresses i felt really bad. Even though i have nothing to do with her anymore. Probably i'm still in one of the phases of breakup i guess. Though its weird. I have found someone that makes me feel good again. And i mean really good, but as soon as i see a new picture of Ashikin i suddenly feel sad till i am able to talk with the other one. I am a really messed up person aint i? Hopefully i will calm down. Or maybe that is how i am gonna live my life as a rollercoaster. Though how do i become a more calm person?
And here comes a vid. ;)
It have been like a week since my last post. If you exclude that Quiz thing. As some of you all know I'm back at my moms place and have been here since friday. My rollercoaster have finaly started to calm down or atleast stay high up instead of being down so often. Maybe its cause i have gotten a new light in my life or something.
("Think Geek")Besides that i now know a couple who will have a real rollercoaster trip ahead of them. That is Lilah an Ethan who just got married today in Jamaica. So i wish them all the best of luck and happy honeymoon. I have known the two of you for 3 years already and i know things will go well between with eachother besides that Ethan might blow up the house if your unlucky and dont catch him in the right time. ;)
Viv went away today to meet relatives who lives a distance away from Taiping. She wont be back until 13th of november. So now i have no night time buddy to talk with. Anyone who wanna temponairly replace her or act like her? She'll hopefully get connection somewhere or it depends on if she goes to China or not during that time. Well we'll see.
My birthday is tomorrow. I so hope i wont get so many presents. Never really liked getting presents from people. Makes me feel bad when i get them and havent gotten the other person presents. Make me feel like i'm egoist. And worse its gonna be on the 8th cuase then i'll be down to my grandmother and recive quite a few of them. Well i guess i have to live with it for the time being.
The game is put on hold at the moment. Instead i will work on a project called Operation Galahad when i get back. And its a single player series for Crysis. Hopefully it will be finished by the time Dreamhack starts so my friends can test it before its delivered to rest of the people on CryMod. This will hopefully help me advance in level design a little.
And now for the big tag Viv is making me doing
1) Do you think you're hot ?
Cant say i am.
2) Upload your favorite picture of you!
Refer the above answer.
4) When was the last time you ate pizza ?
This friday
5) The last song you listen to ?
Serj tankian - Baby (Youtube)
6) What are you doing right now besides this ?
Youtubing
7) What name would you prefer besides yours ?
Hmm dunno.
People to tag .
1) Dila
2) Amelia?
3) Shugar shorty
4) Anyone else wanna?
8) Who is number one ?
Dila a friend of mine. Though its like she is keeping away from me lately.
9) Number three is having a relationship with ?
Hmm i dont know
10) Say something about number two ?
Wiz kid. ;)
11) How about number four ?
Depends. ;)
5 people to tag- I tag;
I just did 4
1. Name the people you tagged.
Look at the last tagg
2. Describe yourself in one word.
Weird
3. Who would you pick, someone who really loves you, or the one you love?
The one I love.
4. Have you ever loved someone before but never had the courage to tell him/her?
Yepp
5. How if people reject your confess face to face?
Darn, just try to move on.
6. God is giving u just 5 more minutes before going back to heaven, IF you love someone special, what will you say to that person?
I have no idea at this moment
7. What will you say to a person who doesn't want to believe you?
Thats up to you.
8. Was ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?
Not really cause i have always been the one trying making others love me. :/
9. Do you have something special with you all the time?
Dunno. :P
10. Long distance love ?
Please not again. Too much pain being so far from eachother
11. Best place to cry?
Dunno any suggestions?
12. Who do you love the most?
God?
13. Tell us of your dream last night?
Hmm maybe some naughty dream maybe. ;)
14. Ever hated someone so bad?
Hate we all do at times.
15. The biggest & most hurtful lie you heard?
Dont remember. Or maybe dont wanna remember. :/
16. The last person you had a beer with?
My buds. ;)
17. The last person you went to the movies with?
Ashikin
18. The last person you talked on the cell phone with?
Uhm mom?
19. The last person you hugged?
Uhm dont remember.
20. The last person you yelled at?
Havent yelled in a while.
21. In the last week have you kissed someone?
Nope last one was months ago.
22. Think of the last time you were angry, why were you angry?
Angry at myself?
23. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
I have no idea
24. If you could have an all expense paid trip, where will you go?
Hmm maybe Canada or maybe New Zealand. Though i can settle with UK. ;)
25. What do you hate the most?
So many things.
26. What would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
Love.
27. Five facts About Me:
- Weird
- Calm as a cow when i feel like it. :P
- Paranoid. (can be at times)
- Emotional
- Crazy
28. Five things that scare me:
- Not much that really scare me except death
29. Two Songs Playing in My Head Lately:
- Rise against - Ready to fall
- Agnes - On and on (Why?!)
30. Five Things I treasure in my life
- God.
- Family
- Dizzie
- Love
- Friends
1.Why do you chose to be tagged anyway ?
- She made me. ;)
2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
- Both are as important
3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
- Havent happened in years.
4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
- Haha nope
5. How many babies you want?
- Dunno maybe least 2. Or it is depending on the girl. ;)
6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
- Huh what? Me no understand
7. What is your goal for this year?
- This year? Hmm and its about to end. Have no idea at this moment
8. Do you believe in eternity love?
- Shouldn't it be eternal love? Though maybe. Not sure at the moment.
9. What's your nickname??
- Kenny, Big B, Carrot man, Zorerk,
10.What feeling do you love most?
- Dunno
11. What are the requirements you wish from the other half?
- Love and affection. ;)
12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people you hate ?
- Hi guys how are you? :P
13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
- They have their ups and downs. ;)
14. What does flying means to you?
- Flying? Duh. :P
15. What do you crave for the most currently?
- Food
16. Who's hotter, Chace Crawford or Kevin Peake?
- I have no idea who either of those two are. :P
17. Describe the person who tagged you in 5 words.
- She is a dancing lullaby? Dunno how to write about her in just 5 words.
18. What do you want to do now?
- Breakfast?
19. If time were to rewind, when will you want it to be?
- No idea. Alot of pain in my past.
20. What are your fear(s)?
- Hmm this i answered before. :/
Random post though i will update more later.
Quiz from
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.Clock is like 15.00 and i just woke up from 3 hours of sleep. Today/yesterday night was horrible. Couldnt sleep at all. But it had its reasons.
- My nice neighbours was up all night being drunk and shouting.
- After they went to sleep at around 04:30 i couldnt sleep due to my body had gone into a state of awareness. And i promise you thats not fun.
So i though hey maybe i should rest a little before i continue with my studies. So i layed my head down to the board and tried to fall asleep. Clock is now 10:35. While trying to sleep i just cant fall asleep cause i really heard everything. Had the windows open so i heard when cars drove by and everything. After awhile i finally start to feel that i am falling asleep. Then it just happen. 20 first yearers come into the lab and started to make loads of noices. Checked the clock and the time was 10:50. The agony! (Those who knows how i am when i havent slept enough understand me) I really felt like slitting their throats. But i ended up not to. Talked to them and why in the world they were there. They said that the computer lab was booked (I checked before i went if the lab was booked and it wasnt) After checking again it seems the teacher had booked it one hour before they came. With the thinking how much noice they did and i still felt sick. I thought that at that time it was better to just go back home and sleep there now instead. And so i packed my bag again with my lapyop and everything. And went to the buss. Waited for like 4 mins (thank god) and the buss was there. Went on it and sat down in the middle of the buss. After driving about 5 mins i notice this ride wasnt gonna be fun. Cause the buss was shacking all the time and i felt worse due to the shaking. And then driver hit stuff like the edges. And i really got afraid that something would happen along the way. And my stomach got just worse. Though i came down to Råslätt safe and sound. Went back home and into my room directly and it was dead silent in the apartment. Finally i tought to myself. Went directly to bed but of course took off my clothes. After like 3 mins of lying in the bed i heard something. Sounded like a helicopter, and it was buzzing outside my window. Looked out and noticed that one had landed on the fotball arena just outside of my house. And there was some game going on so i guessed it was some sort of event. The Helicopter was on for like 20 mins before it went away, then i finally fell asleep. And sleept to 15:00. Ooh so happy i am now. :P
Yesterday was pretty normal day except for the evening where i went and saw a drum show. Must say it was pretty amazing. Never been on a drum show before. Show started at 18:30 though i was there already at 18:00 just to ensure there wasnt as big line. Got to Harry's (Famous pub in sweden) where it was located. When i saw the front dorr i saw loads of kids. I started to wonder if i have gotten the whole thing right though i asked one of the people there. And they said the kids was just from the music school and they were waiting for the music teacher to bring them in. So i went in. After leaving my jacket i went further into the pub and saw banners for the music shop i had gotten my vip ticket. Was about to go in then i saw Mike. And he greeted me and after some chit chatting i walked in.
I saw the stage and there was a few people there and most of the seats was taken so i went to the second floor cause there werent as many people there. Went up an took a nice seat and waited. Had to wait for almost an hour before anyone went up on the stage. It started of as any other show with a little introduction with what people who's gonna play and such. after that this guy started talking about himself and drums. Turns out he's some drum expert so he babbled away about drums for maybe 15 mins.
After the guy had stopped talking Wikman & Bylin proyecto came oout and talked a little what they had done and such. Some jokes came up also. They were two drummers whom focus on music like Samba and Salsa. And i say when they started playing it was like magical. I have heard loads music played by Safri Duo and i thiught they were great. But now these guys came out and really took me away with how they were drumming. (Possibly new fan)
After ending with their 10 min long composition they called Brainstorm. Some left after this, mostly the girls. Though one came up and stood beside me and we started talking for a little while. While we talked the first guy came up again on stage and continued talking. We sort of skipped him cause he was not intressting either way and he was only up to kill some time due to the had to change a little on the stage. After they finished fixing the stage he went off quite quickly. I guess he didnt feel so comfortable up there. ;P
Next guy up was Erik Thyselius a Metal drummer for the band Scarpoint. As the others also did he had to talk before playing. It was noticable that he wasnt so used to talk before people when he was about to perform. Well the ear got a little shock first when it started to hear him play. I guess it was on the Samba mode still cause it was surprised when it heard the heavy metal. Though as a heavy metal fan it was joy for my ears either way. After he was finished this guy came up sdtarted hugging and kissing the girl whom i was talking with before and then i see his face. It was Mike. My god i had really no idea that was his girl. After some chit chatting and everything next person came up on the stage.
Next out was Ricard Huxflux Netterman whom is famous through being a drummer for singers like Eric Gadd and Peter Jöback. Though you non swedish readers i guess doesnt know who they are either way.
After playing a little i felt like this guy wasnt anything special. I was just sitting there drumming but nothing good atleast for me came out of it. Atleast i from what i know felt that the others were better and this guy hadnt the same kind of feeling in the music. Maybe it was just me but hey i'm me right? :P
Last one out Morgan Åhlgren. He was a nutcase really. First thing he did was when he got the microphone was to bang it to the wall and then he played the drums with it. I really thought he was out of his mind at that point. After that he started throwing his sticks around and still beating the mic on the drums. After a while he started to calm down. And i can say most of the people were shocked and so i was i. Then he started talking a little about his drums like nothing had happend and people was asking him about Frank Zappa. After the chit chatting with everyone who eas watching he started again. This time he didnt use his microphone atleast. Though he was fast and the music he played was really awsome. Not magical but awesome. And he went on in the same pace for like 20 mins and he really looked like a nutcase while working on those drums. His face was like going up and down and made lots of faces. A hilarious guy really to listen to and watch.
After Morgan was done. He called out everyone and everyone played together but it was really noticble that they hadnt trained in something together but they were having fun while drumming together. Can tell you it wasnt the greatest thing i have heard but it was fun to listen to and watch. After the show was over i went over to Mike and thanked him for inviting me and then i went home. Clock was like 23:00 and i was really tired. Came home and fell asleep shortly afterwards. A truely fun night i must say.
Thank you Viv again for giving that music mood again. :P
How did this happen? Anyone?
Found a small mapp on my computer with old pictures and noticed that i have changed my apperance alot during just a month. Though this last month things really changed parts of my life. Well first of i'm single as most of you already know and i have been growing or atleast trying to grow a circle beard. Though bad as it is my face cant be fully covered with beard so i guess i have to give up on that. Though for those who want to see how much i have changed.
Big change? Well thats all for now. Good luck too all of you. And be blessed as many others say. ;)
Friday the last day of working week or for me study week. Final exam today got 62.3% so i guess i'm satisfied. Not much of a study head and hardly been able to study while we have had the projects. But either way i'll redo it a week after new year. Need to get higher scores you know. ;)
The day before yesterday Viv and i was talking alittle random stuff. Then we got into music and talked about that we both played instruments but at the moment i wasnt cause of the school. Though after a little chitchatting i felt a real urge to start again. And guess what happened yesterday i started playing on it. And everything came back quite quickly. Though i'm not as good as i was before but i'll get better than i was before by christmas i think. Will be alot of playing now ahead. Beside of that before i started to play yesterday i went down to town to get myself a cable to the speaker otherwise i can really use it or experiment. When i got down i met a old friend of mine that works in the shop. Mike from the united states, though i can tell you that his swedish has really improved since last time i met him. Now it sounds like he have been here for like 3 years though in reality he have only been here for a year. Though after som chatting and paying for the new cable he gave me a piece of paper. I read it and on it said there was gonna be a drum show next monday then he told me to turn around on the flyer and then blinked at me. I read and then i noticed that he had given me a VIP ticket. I became like this i cant accept. Though he pushed me into taking it either way. So on Monday i'm going for a drum show in town. ^^
Most of the people who knows me, knows that im a video game freak and some knows i play World of warcraft at times. Well a few days ago a new patch was released and i became finally some new stuff. Well after downloading the new 700MB sized patch and started to install it it said something went wrong during the install and i should just retry it. And so i did a few times and same thing ever time. So i redownloaded the path like 4 times and the same thing happens, then i just re installed the dam thing. That took me like 4 hours. Darn big game right? After everything was installed and patched i then tried to connect to the servers just to see some small stuff. (clock is like 23.00) And what happens no login server was online. Well well i thought maybe i can play some today. I got online a little today and after a short session the game crashes all the time as soon as i log on to my main character. Hmm hope Blizzard fix this soon otherwise they are stealing my money. :(
Well thats what i had to say for now. Be blessed. ;)
Finally a day away from school. And tonight I have been sleeping like a baby. I feel way better today than I did yesterday. Though I guess its cause today I can slack off a little. But then again in a few hours i will study either way.
We have gotten our results back from school about the network services course. We scored 18 on the project and i think that was quite well done by us with the thinking we only were 5 and one was a slacker who didn't fully follow the schedule. We were talking about failing the slacker but we ended up not to. Though we distributed the points as follows 3,3,3,4,5 and I got one of the 3's. Well I'm pleased with that. Felt like even if the others wanted to give me a 4 I probably would had said no. Had a few personal issues during the time that made the group halt a little. Well there isn't much that can be done about that now either way.
Some of you all know this maybe already, but I am keeping track on how many who visits my site. Got a mail from the service that keeps track of all the visits yesterday and told me that my log file was about to be overfilled. I became like owh no now I might not be able to check how many visits me. Though after mailing them back about how it really works I found out that they'll erase the oldest ones and just insert the new ones (thank god *phew*). And then after that I checked a little about how it is going with my blogg how many visits and such and i can tell you all that its going pretty good. From having 9 returning visitors last week to now having around 15-22 each day i only say thank you all. ^^
Though those who know me well knows that i am a computer geek and knows i prefer Linux over Windows. Though lately i havent been using it until a few days ago. Been having troubles with my network and sound. But then 3 days ago i sat down with the problems and i fixed it. And now i'm in love again. ;)
Linux is pretty complicated sometimes but when things work nothing brings it down except new crappy updates. :P
I have starte playing Final Fantasy 9 and i have already made up my team. And guess whos gonna be in it. Vivi! Have so far I have only gotten to disc two so i wont be able to just use my team as i want yet. Pretty long before i can start choosing my team though i'm already longing for it. Though i have been playing it on Windows though i'm gonna try it out now on Linux and see if i manage it to start working. Wish me luck and thank you all again
Feeling horrible at the moment. And I tell you today have been a bad day. Started off with that i went up early to school. Like 2 hours earlier than usually. Got there and my freaking stomach start to crap me. And it went on the whole day. Thought it was cause of the nerves before the exam. While having that annoying stomach i worked off the last on the last project (*breaths out* Finally!). Had to hurry on it cause it had to be finished before my exam ended. Lunch came around 11 with the thinking my exam started at 13 so no need to rush. One problem though with the lunch my friends really wanted to eat thai food. And they knew how i felt at that moment. But they really wanted to. So we went to a place called Jungle thai and ate. And my stomach went even more crazy afterwards (curses). We went back and i checked the last stuff before going to the exam labratory. Went in and sat down. Wait for like 30 mins and then we start. After like 25 mins i finished the first part of the exam And started preparing for part two the very practical. Cause part 1 is just planning. And pre part 2 your allowed to build configurations without touching any of the network equipment. And when part 2 starts things gets rough. Everything goes fine even when i start part 2. I start configurationg and about 1 hour into implementing i notice something horrible has happened. I put all my configurations in the wrong places. And i look at the time and see that there is only 1 hour left that means half the time of part 2 is spilled. Then i started thinking that if i restarted now i would be where i was at that time but one hour later. Then by that time i havent built up the rest of that i should had done that would take like 30 more mins. So i needed 1h and 30mins but only got 1h. So i knew even if i tried i wouldnt have enough time cause during that time there will come troubleshoting. So i said to the teacher i give up and explained the situation to him. And he understood exactly my reasoning. So i packed my bag and went out. And what i noticed was my stomach was calm. Hardly could believe it. But instead i felt really bad and down instead.
And here i am being a little depressed hopefully things will get better soon. Anyone who can cheer me up?
I have no idea why i'm laughing like crazy due to this video. And i have no reason why to upload it either but here it goes either way.
Today not much happened really. Though one thing that happened today was that i somehow woke up at 6 this morning. I must say that pretty unique for me, i usually wake up around like 11 to 13. But 6 o'clock? Something is wrong with me. Though even if i woke up that early i went back to sleep again. Yea i know i am a sleepyhead. But i tell you i have earned it.
Whilke sleeping I dreamt. And I have a special dream. I was in my bed and then it knocked on my door. Nathaniel told me that I had a visitor. I told him to let the person in. The person went in and then he stood outside of the sheet of cloth I have covering my bedroom area. What I saw was a tall man and he was a little chubby. He opened up the sheets and i saw who it was. I couldnt believe who it was. As much as i was filled with joy i also was filled with anger. My father was there. He stood there right infront of me and looked exactly as I last remembered him. He gave me a hug and I hugged him back. He told me that he and I needed to talk. And the midst of that i felt like crying like really bad. As i always do i try to keep that part of me away. He then started talking about what "really" happend that day. He said he had to make it look like he was dead to protect me and the rest of the family. And during this whole time he had been in jail of a reason he didnt want to tell me. After he said that i hit my knuckles on the wall and i woke up. As i woke up i felt that my hand was hurting. So i guess i really hit the wall while i was asleep.
After waking up and started to make breakfast i got a sms from my mother saying they are gonna have another dog. And it was gonna be a Jack russel terrier. I became like WT*. This she have to explain to me. (Btw the clock is like 12 when this happened) I called her and starting asking her what in the world was going on. She have told me before like loads of times that she wont have another dog after Dizzie. Then she explained that it was a dog imported from Ireland that couldnt find a home there so it was moved to sweden. Then my mother sort of fell in love with it when she heard about it and had to get it. Actually its not really a Jack russel its actually a mix between a chihuahua and jack russel. Though for those wondering how it looks like here it comes.
Well for those wondering my family is dog lovers and so am i. Actually have said quite few times before that when things are stable for me or that i have a family i must have a dog (Labrador). During my whole life i have had 2 dogs. One labrador called Jappe (Jasper) and one Groenendal (Dizzie Diamond). And i can tell you that i was more in love with Jappe than i was with Dizzie. Well he was there the whole time i grew up. Had like a special bond with him. But Dizzie she is like a pup and she always will be in my eyes even though she is pretty old now.
Not much else have happened today other than me being in school most of the day studying and preparing for the practical exam on tuesday. I hope i pass on it. Actually i have to. So wish me luck will you? ;)
Forgot to mention something in my previous post. That is thank you Viv for the link to blogskins. Wouldnt have found this template if it wasnt for you. ^^
Okey Finaly i found a template i liked. And if you wonder why this template. Well i'll tell you that i'm a Final Fantasy fan. And i have played most games between I to XII. Though this is taken from Final Fantasy 9 and the character is Vivi a black mage who have a mind of his own. And he struggles all the time with where he came from and why he was made. I must say the character in the game is a really strong one and deep one. Most of the game circles about him even though he isnt the main character.
Well more news in my life is that yesterday i got a sms from my sister that something was wrong with Dizzie. For those who dont know who Dizzie is she is my dog or actually my family dog. She getting pretty old. At the moment she's 13 and that pretty old for being of her race. If you calculate it over to human years she would now be 91 years. I messaged my mother as soon as i was able to over msn and asked what was going on and she told me that she probably had gotten a blood clot in her brain cause she was paralyzed in the morning. They had called a vet and checked with them and they said that closest vet that was in duty at that moment was located in Helsingborg and thats 2 hours drive from where my mother lives. After about 30 mins it had been worn out but she was weak. Checked with my mom today also and she said that she had gotten a little better but she was still weak.
Dizzie stay strong, you might be old but you have proven before that age doesnt put you down.
Friday and time for a new post. Can tell you first off that this week have been horrible. Had a presentation today and we finished everything yesterday. Though th teacher said our one was one of the better ones. We even managed to get afew bonus points. Though next up is some writing about multicasting. Then on tuesday i'll have practical exam and on friday its the final test for CCNP 1. Wish me luck will you?
If your a returning visitor you probably noticed that the layout have been changed and i tell you i wont continue with this one for long. Just tried it out and now i'm trying to find a new one cause i already dont like it. Anyone who can recommend one that would fit me? Cause so far i have been quite out of luck.
Was checking out some salary's for people who is so called Cisco Certified. After checking the year salary in UK i was really amazed. I can tell you that if i would save all that money each month i would be called millioner back here in sweden after just 1 year and 2 months and i tell you that is loads of money. My mother would maybe earn that amount after like 4-5 years. And the best part is that they are really looking for people with the Cisco Certification. Just this month they added 700 new jobs in London for the level of Network associate. And i can tell you that at the moment i'm going for the Network proffesional level. I have a feeling i will probably get a job there easily. Though when i looked over sweden i only found 10 new jobs this month. And the biggest problem right now is that here in sweden there is really lacking of job in area. Even though they say that the so called IT bubble have broken here, there is hardly any new jobs. So i guess going away working somewhere else is maybe a good thing. But then again it would be a great experience to have that in your baggage later if i go back to sweden later or somewhere else.
Still a little sick but atleast i think i am thinking clearly. Though today i have really decided. A decision that will probably change my life quite alot. For some it might seem crazy and for some maybe it's a great thing. But for me this is something i have wanted for years. And it is about moving to Great Brittain. Though i have already decided on London. Its not really been a dream my whole life or anything but i have been wanting it for many years now. Even though many says its not that big of a difference than back here in Sweden. Maybe its not but it is diffrent in other ways and there i most probably can feel that im restarting my life and can become the person i want to be. Cause back here in sweden everything will just drag with me behind my back. All the 'history' i have made, things that have marked me for life, world i put myself into. I sort of like it in a way i have it here, but then again i feel that something is waiting for me there. Actually last days there have been thoughts about Australia. But that i guess is something i just wanted cause i knew she wants to go there and study. But then i guess i just have to let go off just hoping that going there will make things all right. Cause really when i am there what will i do? Work in the heating sun in some office? I rather do that in a office in a country where i can have all the seasons. Instead of in a country where the lowest temperature is 8C.
And i sort off already planned on when i'm gonna move there. Hold on this might come shocking for some people. But i will try as fast as possible really after i'm finished here with the studies. But also i have to work here for like 2-3months first so i have some money to survive there in the very beginning. So around maybe November 2009 i will go to London my very first time in my life and live there. And i am not letting someone go in my way for that.
What a horrible day it is today. It all started before i woke up. My stupid stomach started to fail on me. Around 03:00 this morning when i was about to fall asleep i felt that something was terrible wrong with my stomach. I felt sick and it hurted. I sort of knew what was comming. First thing i did was to get my blue bucket and put it right next to the bed. I can tell you all now nothing came other than air and some white phlegm. After awhile i fell asleep and woke up around 7 to send a sms to my friends that i wasnt comming this morning cause i didnt want to risk throwing up in school. Sent the sms and fell asleep again. Woke up around 2 hours later due to a call from Johan wondering where i was. And i asked him if he hadnt gotten an sms from me and he said no. I checked my outbox on the phone and it said i sent a message to him but it hadnt arrived. Horrible phone system. So i had to tell him what was up and i would try to get to school later if i felt better. Then i fell asleep again. Woke up around 11:00 to just throw up. And still nothing came out of me other than air and phlegm. Stayed up after that. Get an sms from Håkan that said they needed a extra harddrive and if i was fine enough to go to school now. I told them no not fine now. Sent the sms but it took like 45 mins before i got the message about that the sms was recived. Something really seems to be wrong with the telecom system today. After awhile the police called again and i became; What now? Then something said to me it was probably about the letter i got a few days back but no it seems they had gotten new evidence on the case and they wanted me to check on the new evidence. So i said okey. And guess what happens i throw up in the middle of the phone call. One of the really embarrasing things i have done in a long time. I guess i gave that police man a shock. Well it ended with that in a months time or so i will have to visit the local police to witness and see if i can point out who assulted me that day about a year ago.
Nice day or what do you all say?
Or actually something good happened today atleast. I was able to watch the latest episode of Dexter in peace. ^^